Fear Is A Lie!

It has been forever since I've written here, but I'm committed to being better about my blog writing and have been on a poetry kick lately, so here's one I recently wrote about fear:

Fear is a lie we choose to believe. Because fear thrives inside of you and of me.

It robs us of life, and so many great things, when we stay inside and knowingly clip our own wings.

And we think that our fear is what keeps us so safe, telling us not to attempt anything great.

It’s safer to swim in the waters we know, then to venture to oceans or caves down below.

And it’s better and practical, even admired, to stay in a job where we are uninspired.

After all, we worked so hard just to be hired. But what happens when eventually, we hope to be fired?

We hope this because change requires a voice, and if it was forced, we would not have a choice.

It often seems better to stay then to lose, because fear keeps us there when we know we must choose.

The grass isn’t greener on certain sides, but what happens when you don’t see it with your own eyes?

When you don’t make mistakes or try something new, you will never know the joy that could be waiting for you.

Life is a sum of the chances we take, and there will always be choices that we must make.

But if we listen to voices inside our minds, telling us to have fear and stay afraid all the time, then we’ll never know just how far we can go, or the limitless options of things we can know.

And we’ll never know all the people we’ll miss, by not saying hello and keeping pursed lips.

And we won’t know what it’s like to feel very afraid and stand outside our comfort zones in an uncomfortable way.

And it sounds awful, it is, standing outside, but your zone will expand if you don’t tuck tail and hide.

And take it from me, the worst kind of afraid is the kind where you keep silent when there is much to say.

Because fear robs your joy and it steals all your thunder and if you let it, one day you will start to wonder:

What if you were younger in this day and age? Knowing all you know now would you still be afraid?

Would you be afraid to stand out on your first day of school? Would you color in the lines, or would you break a few rules?

Would you be afraid the first time you went on a date? Would you kiss him or her, or would you still hesitate?

What if you had to pass your driving test again? Would you be as nervous and scared as you were back then?

I doubt these things that were once so scary, strike fear in your heart. But imagine if you never stood up to start.

What if you had let fear dictate your moves? What would you have missed when you had nothing to lose?

I implore you to sucker-punch fear in the face and live in a way that makes you unafraid, to color beyond lines you’ve never missed, to go out on a date and give them a kiss, to drive for as long and far as you wish, and live life as if fear doesn’t exist.

Have a wonderful day! 

Lessons Learned and Re-Learned

Over these last few weeks, I've found myself unexpectedly unemployed for the first time in many years and, although I've been interviewing and testing and all those good things, nothing has stuck as of yet. It is no surprise that no one is actively hiring during the last two weeks of the year. It is somewhat stressful, but I've got a wonderful, supportive husband and I'm just working to get something flexible enough to allow me to get back to school at night, with enough free time for writing and family. As we're near the start of a brand new year, it's a great time to reflect. In reflecting on what lead me to recently leave a shiny brand new job, I've learned and re-learned a few life lessons I'd like to share.

1. No one, no matter what title, status, or social standing they have deserves to be treated like garbage. Bullying is something that should never happen to our kids, to our co-workers, or to our friends. Until just recently, I never knew what being bullied actually felt like. I was ignorant. I figured it was something that could be shrugged off or ignored, but when it's tolerated and allowed in a school or work setting, no amount of shrugging it off will work. Bullies can be relentless, so if you see it happening, say something. Lauging along with a bully makes the person being bullied feel even more alienated. Bullies should not be tolerated. Find your voice and say something.

2. Find what you love and love what you do. I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and that we're all on our own journey when it comes to finding and living out our passions. When working with others, find something good about your work, each day. Asking at the end of each work day these four questions will give you a guage to know if you're working effectively, to inact change, and to be an effective leader (even if you're not in a leadership capacity): Have I learned something? Have I taught something? Have I complimented someone? Have I fixed something? I believe if you truly care about what you do, you'll be able to answer each of these questions almost every day with a YES.

3. Stand up for something...Even if you feel like you're standing alone and naked in a blizzard. Don't sacrifice your morals or your values for anything, but also don't be afraid to let in new ideas and hear challenging viewpoints.

4. Embrace Change. It is inevitable, so embracing it becomes exciting, regardess of whether you're clutching it with your teeth gritted and your eyes closed. :)

5. Never, ever, ever underestimate the power of love and friendship. There is immeasurable power in loving others and being loved.

6. Death is a guarantee. We're all going to die someday, hopefully very far in the future. But, knowing we're going to die should mean we're living for something. If you're not sure what you're living for, reevaluate your priorities right now. Know makes you happy and if you're not doing it, decide why not and what you need to do to get to whatever happy looks like for you. Don't wait for tomorrow as it is not guaranteed.

7. Give to others. There is always a need. Do whatever you can do to help those in need or less fortunate. Make a tiny mark whenever possible. This will perpetuate one of the most powerful things in the world: hope.

8. Words are powerful. They can become weapons or inspire peace. Your words are meaningful and should be chosen very wisely. Think before you speak or before you hit that send button. Some things are better left unsaid, and some things need to be said before it's too late.

9. "Just because something shines doesn't mean that it's gold." Someone recenly said this to me when I was explaining what a great opportunity I had been given that I wasn't able take advantage of. I mulled this comment over for a few minutes and smiled, realizing this person was absolutely right.

10. Starting over takes courage and gumption. It's easy to become complacent and sit in an environent you hate because it's scary to step foot into the unknown. Sometimes you will stumble and fall and have regrets and anxiety. Sometimes nothing will come easy and everything will feel like pulling teeth. However, if nothing else, starting over will cause you to step out of your comfort zone and find a little more about yourself and your true character. And walking through that kind of experience, is invaluable.

I wish you a happy and peaceful 2016. May the best year yet be upon you!

Kindness: The Insurmountable Power You Possess

I wonder how many people clicked this link thinking the title of this blog is an oxymoron. Kindness is easily confused as weakness. The truth it, it’s just the opposite. When someone is evil to you, it’s so easy to repay anger with anger or dissention with dissention. A true test of character, strength, and power is to show kindness to those who betray, hurt or ignore you.

The amazing thing is, no matter who we are, where we live, whether we’re rich or poor, we have the power to be kind to others, regardless of who they are. Smiles and grace are free and don’t need to be returned to make a difference in someone’s life. We never know what impact a small act can have on someone’s life, even if we never see that person again.

I’ve been really fortunate to have been treated with kindness by people in my life. I choose not to focus on those who have been unkind or who have violated me. I can definitely say that I am who I am because of the people who treated me with kindness. Sometimes kind words can mean everything. I sat on a novel I wrote for a long time because I didn’t think anyone would read it or would have anything nice to say about it. It was because of the kindness of others that I dared to put it out there. Every time I get an email or message from someone who has read it, or see a new positive review, I think of those people who showed me the kindness to encourage me to keep at it. Their encouragement cost nothing, but meant absolutely everything to me.

Kindness also has a tendency for perpetuating itself. My husband and I have been sponsoring a child in Haiti for several years now. He’s eight now, but I still remember his fifth birthday. We had the option to give him a bit extra for a birthday gift. I was thinking the organization would purchase a soccer ball or something he could play with. A few weeks later, a letter came. It explained that four of his family members had passed away, but that he had had a good birthday and that the funds I had sent had been spent on a hen. They were so appreciative of the gift, but it really put the value of our sponsorship into perspective for me. In that moment, I realized child sponsorship is one of the greatest things I’ve ever done. This year, we’ve begun sponsoring a little girl from Haiti as well. I can say with certainty that I’ve gotten more out of sponsoring these children than the monetary amount we give to them. I received a letter recently saying the family of one of our sponsored children is praying for us. A prayer costs them nothing, but has immeasurable power. I’m so humbled by the fact that these people who don’t even know us are willing to pray for us that I am beyond words.

It is easier to stay within your comfort zone. It’s safe living in our own little worlds. Why step out? Why do something for someone else without expecting something in return? Why make the world a better place by showing someone a little grace, or a little love. I think the better questions are: Why not step out? Why not do something for someone else without expecting something in return? Don’t we need a kinder, better world? Why not show more love and grace?

There is so much hurt and anger and violence in this world, but kindness is free. It can truly change the world and perpetuate goodness. Mark Twain said, “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see,” and it’s absolutely true. By showing love and compassion for others, especially those who chastise or hurt us, it shows the power we truly hold. Loving your enemies does not make you weak. It gives you strength. It makes you a fighter and shows your enemies that you will not give in to their anger or hate. You will not sink to their level. You will rise above and be kind, not because you are weak, but because you can see past their anger or their past transgressions and be a bigger person.

This week, I challenge you to step out and step up. Be kind to someone who has wronged you. Maybe your grace and compassion will change their lives, but if not, it may very well change yours. Use your inner strength, that insurmountable power that you hold. You have the power and the strength to be kind. Don’t let it go to waste. Let your light shine brightly and share the gift of kindness with everyone around you!

Stand Up!

It's not a coincidence that the most inspiring, amazing people I know have been through the unimaginable. Rapes, drug addictions, depression, and much more have plagued these people's pasts and sometimes creep back into their lives like evil shadows when they least expect them to.

As much as we try to combat them, sometimes the shadows seem to win. Sometimes no matter how far you've gone, or much you've healed or how long it's been since you last spoke to someone, something will trigger that feeling and tempt you to mentally, emotionally, or physically go back into that dark place where you never wanted to, or intended to go again.

My favorite Japanese proverb is this: fall down seven times, stand up eight. The number of times the shadows of your past seem to creep in doesn't matter. What does matter is what you choose to do with them. The best news of all is you always have a choice. Will you let the shadow defeat you? Will you let it make you curl up into a ball, shut out the world, and forget what's important to you? Will you let the shadow take everything away that matters, that you've worked so hard for? Why let a shadow of your past have such a grip on you? Hasn't it already taken away enough? Are you going to let it steal your joy? Your piece of mind? Your happiness? The choice is yours: Stand up to the shadow or let it defeat you all over again.

Standing up to the shadows is never easy. It's harder than letting the shadows consume us. Our shadows are like bullies, waiting in the wings, hiding in the darkness, waiting to pounce. If you ignore the bully, they'll likely be back with a vengeance. If you succumb to the bully, they'll attack until they find someone else to bully. Those are the easy options. If you stand up to the bully, which is scary and hard, your bully will initially get worse. You'll get knocked down. You'll be challenged. You'll slide backwards. You'll get hurt. It will be hard. You will grow. You'll become tenacious. You'll surprise yourself. You'll get some thick skin. You'll get stronger. Standing up will become easier. It will take time and work. Your bully will see that they no longer have the hold on you and will move on.

If we confront our shadows head on, just like confronting a bully, we will grow and learn and change and recognize our own resiliency. We'll be able to stare our shadows down and not let them define who we are or what we do. Our choices determine our actions and our attitude determines our altitude. You have the power to confront any shadows that are waiting in the wings, or those that are on top of you. You've had the power to do it all along. You just need to find some courage and an arsenal.


By an arsenal, I'm not talking about weapons, per se, I'm talking about resources. Resources can come in all shapes, sizes and types. The best resources include counseling, support groups, religious gatherings (depending on your faith), and surrounding yourself with supportive family and friends. Using your arsenal of resources, you will find your strength to stand up.


In addition, we have to remember that others around us are fighting their own shadows whether we know it or not. Something we may say or do could be a trigger for that. We have to recognize that everyone deserves compassion. We all must walk our own roads and make our own choices.


I've noticed I am drawn to people with similar circumstances and experiences. If you have a friend that continues to be bogged down and succumb to shadows, tell your story of how you beat your shadows or let them know how you confront them. There is immeasurable power and healing to be found in knowing you're not alone and that someone has walked that same tough road and conquered the shadows you're still facing.


Today, I challenge you to stand up...whatever that means for you. Celebrate the small victories, and build your arsenal every day. We cannot chose our pasts, however, the future is wide open. Stand up to your shadows. Don't let any of them take away another precious minute, precious moment, precious second of your life. It is our choices that determines who we become. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Never, never stop standing up! :)

Hunting Rainbows

Within the past few weeks, there have been several battles going on around me. I am learning that I can't control any of them, but that hasn't stopped me from wishing I could. At times, I want to shake certain people and ask them if they're serious. I want to tell them to think for themselves and to stop letting others dictate what happens. I want to make them feel better, make them happy, make others stop taking advantage of them. Then I remember that I can't make anyone do anything.

I have been struggling through a situation that I believe is wrong. Someone I love dearly has made a life choice that I believe was influenced by others who have ulterior motives. I have watched this person suffer and make choices that I know she would not have made, had it not been for the influencers. I pray this person is acting on her own accord, and that her best wishes are truly at heart for the influencers, but I also know the track record of said influences and believe that is not the case. It frustrates me to no end that there is nothing I can do change things. Fighting with the influences will not suffice or make any change. As hard as it is not to fight for someone I love, there is nothing I can do to change it. I have to let go.

I have a choice. I can stand by and watch it unfold before me, being as I have no control, or I can remove myself entirely from the situation. I have to remember God is in control, because I have none and never had any to begin with. However, what I allow into my life is what will continue. Therefore, those people can take a break from my life and my thoughts.

It seems like people perpetuate their own storms and then get mad when it rains. Once it rains (perpetuated or not), we all go hunting for rainbows. When the storms of life get the best of us, we go in search of something better, something to make us happy, something bright, maybe with a pot of gold at the end.

I wish life worked that way. I wish every time there was a storm, everyone would have their own rainbow to look forward to. Not to say it never happens, but we can't expect a rainbow every time. We're given our situations and our gifts and struggles for a reason. But we make choices every day about what we choose to do with all of our struggles as well as our gifts.

There's no sense in hunting for rainbows in places where you can't stop the rain from falling. I guess it's up to all of us to find our own rainbows and choose our own paths. I can only hope to encourage you to enjoy the gifts of friends and families every day because you never know when they will be ripped from your life by death or other circumstances beyond your control. Hold those moments and revel in them. Trust that God knows what he's doing, and focus on what you can control. :)





 

Live Your Dreams

When we were little, things were so much easier. One week you could want to be a doctor, the next an architect, the next a musician, and three days later, you could decide your ambition is to design clothes for the rich and famous. We grow up and eventually choose our paths. Those who are lucky or ambitious find their passions early in life and thrive.

In Gallup’s 2013 State of the American Workplace study, 70% of those who participated described themselves as “disengaged” from their work...This fact makes me sick. Why are walking through our work lives "disengaged?" Because it's easy? Because we don't believe we can make things better or make and impact where we are?

I've been told I inspire people. While this is one of the most flattering things people can say, when some of those same people are the ones who are miserable day in and day out, I honestly want to shake them. I want to say, "Inspire me! Please! I want to see what you can do. I know you're capable of so many things and that you want so much more. So go for it! Don't let anything stop you! I love that I inspire you, but stop watching me and go get what you want!"

Fear is one of the most powerful things in the world. We internalize it and become terrified of change. It's easy to watch someone go after their dreams. It's fun to watch it from the sidelines. I love watching people succeed, however I have greater admiration for the people whose dreams aren't easy and for those who fall backwards over and over again.

I want to say to those people who watch from the sidelines: "I want to watch you fall backward even though I hate to see you struggle." We fall and struggle because we have more to learn and need to grow from our experiences. Falling isn't failing. You only fail when you quit. Reaching a dream is very much like a child who is learning to walk. One step and then the fall, and then comes the tears. Soon, another step, and a collapse, inevitably more tears. Eventually, that child will become so proficient with walking, he or she will start to run. For those people on the sidelines--I want to see you run! I want to see you meet and exceed all of your dreams because I believe in you! Don't tell me I inspire you. Inspire someone else. Inspire greatness, or tolerance, or love, or change. Don't let your ideas fall on deaf ears. Stand at the top of the tallest mountain if you must, do whatever you have to do to work toward your dreams.

Don't be your own worst enemy. It's time for you to believe in yourself! Fear has the power to consume you, but the cool thing about fear is you control everything internally. Everything you do or choose is only as big as you choose to make it. If you let a move or a job stand between you and your happiness, you're letting your fear be too big. Sure, we don't always know what's on the other side of that new job or that new path, but if nothing else, you'll have grown and become stronger. Let your fear shrink and your light become bright. Let it illuminate your path and think about what will make you truly happy. When you do that, you will inevitably inspire others.

One day, the sun will set and you won't see it rise. That day could be today. Imagine never seeing the sun come up again. I'm not trying to be morbid, but this is reality.

What will you wish you have done? Who will you wish you spoke to one last time? Who still needs to know that you love them? I challenge you to take today and do it. It can't wait. Time won't make hard conversations any easier. We only have one life to live. Let's stop filling it with negativity and watching from the sidelines. Get in there! Live your dreams! Do some falling and then I want to see you run. Why? Because I care about you and I want to see you succeed. We may not know each other, but that changes nothing. We need more free thinkers and positivity and people pursuing their dreams now, more than ever. Whatever your dream is, please, I beg you, start working toward it now. It is never too late to get started. This is your chance. This is your moment. What will you do with it? :)

Kindle Unlimited

We live in an exciting time when it comes to the power of the written word. A twitter post with 1 sentence or idea can go viral and ruin someone’s career, increase their "popularity" by 1 million (or more) new followers, or can be sent into oblivion before anyone can give it a second glance.

Speaking sending words into oblivion, I loved the idea of having an agent. I imagined him or her to be someone who could champion my book and help me announce it to the world. Instead, my illusion was quickly crushed and destroyed when, after several full-manuscript requests, it was rejected, time and time again.

About the same time those rejections rolled in, I bit the bullet and entered this year's Amazon Breakthrough Novel contest. I figured if the manuscript sucked, I'd never make it from the ten thousand entrants to the second round (only 400 per category). But, based on the synopsis, it was chosen. It didn't make it to the third round. However, after reading the comments from the impartial people who'd reviewed the first 3 chapters, it was clear they really enjoyed it. They were concerned as to where the book was going and afraid I would start preaching or get on a soapbox or something (which I don't and would never do in a novel). Those comments put me in gear. I realized it didn't matter if I ever sold anything. I wanted to get it out there as fast as I could. At the same time, I was completely and utterly terrified.

I kept thinking about the few comments I'd received from agents. These were people...respected people, with established backgrounds, and bestsellers under their belts. I felt the book wasn't crap, but I wasn't impartial. For me, it took some awesome beta readers who gave me the push I needed to continue forward.

Part of me had always been envious of Indy authors who did everything themselves. With the comments from my beta readers in my mind, I hit that submit button, even though I was scared out of my mind.

Within ten minutes, I had a sale. Then, nothing. For days. I wondered about that rogue sale. What crazy person had read my synopsis and spent a few bucks to read something by someone with no reviews that involved a purity ring, a rapist, and a vendetta? All of those hot-button issues the agents had stayed away from and avoided at all costs? I was stoked and also anxiously awaiting the kindle reader to come to his/her senses and return the book.

A funny thing happened then. I announced the book on Facebook. People I never would have imagined took an interest, while some close friends who were "interested" never gave it a second glance. This is, apparently, not unusual, but came as a surprise to me nonetheless.

Now, a few months later, the Kindle Unlimited Progam has rolled out. Authors who have published exclusively on Kindle have the opportunity to enroll and receive a very small cut of a fund for each book downloaded and read past 10 %. Amazon members pay $9.99 a month to download any title they chose out of 600,000 books. There has been constant debate since the program was announced and some authors apparently feel that Amazon is devaluing their books.

The only reason I didn't make my novel free is because I wanted people to have to "buy" into the story and not just download it and let it sit there, amidst a hundred other free books. However, I will be making it free for a limited time as often as I'm allowed and have dropped it to .99 for a limited time as well.

The reason for making the book cheap is not to devalue the novel or to have it chosen over the other million books on Kindle. I want everyone who is interested to be able to afford to buy a copy. I wouldn't have had a choice on pricing if I'd signed a contract with an agent. I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe the person who needs to read No Man Sam doesn't have a disposable income. Or, maybe they're struggling through their own feelings and need an escape. I understand that. I believe words are like magic and I don't care that they're cheap. I was never in this to make money. In fact, I've given more away to charities than I ever expect to gain, but that's OK. We're all on this rock together. Let's make the most of it and enjoy it! We have to do what we were meant to do. For me, that's writing.

If you're one of those authors who hates Kindle Unlimited, Indie Authors, and/or cheap ebooks, I hope you can see through to my side of the fence, even if you don't necessarily agree with every statement above. I challenge you to put yourself in the shoes of an Indie or new author. Maybe I'm wrong or completely off base...that's ok with me. We're all here to grow and learn and experience new ideas. I'm thankful to Amazon and every other company that sells self-published books. The ebook world should be filled with new books of all genres, daily. We can never have too much knowledge, read too many stories, or identify with too many characters.

I am thankful that in this day and age, readers from all walks of life can have an avenue to publish an ebook. I appreciate the fact that I can self publish a book full of hot-button issues and create something that means something to someone. After all, isn't that what writing is fundamentally about?

Impact

In celebration of Independence day, I offered No Man Sam for free on Amazon Kindle and posted on a few sites stating that I would be donating .10 to Surviving in Numbers, an amazing organization that helps victims of rape and domestic violence.

I had 37 downloads the first day of the promotion. I prayed we would have success and posted to one more website and the downloads went wild! I am happy to say my husband and I had the privilege and opportunity to donate more than we could have ever imagined and it was the best thing ever. Not because people downloaded the book, but because their hearts were into helping others, just as ours were.

An incredible thing happened then. No Man Sam became one of the top free downloads in teenage romance (I believe it peaked at #2) and it broke the top 100 (and nearly the top 50) in free Kindle books. I'm not a known author, (and likely never be and that's cool with me), but the fact that others were downloading the book and the fact that it was becoming more visible meant more $$'s for Surviving in Numbers!

If you have a chance to check out the organization, I highly recommend it. If, by chance, you did download No Man Sam during the promotional free period, THANK YOU! It means everything that you were willing to try out a book by an unknown author and also help a cool organization in the process. It's a win-win-win all around!

I believe amazing things can happen when we step outside ourselves for a while and take a walk in someone else's shoes. Sometimes it takes walking in someone else's shoes to appreciate what we have or to realize what our purpose is and how we become changed. It's kind of like writing a fiction novel. When I get the chance to walk in a main character's shoes, it's fun, but kind of surreal at the same time because I don't like when bad things happen to them (even though I'm pulling all the strings). I'm sure that sounds weird.

The scary thing is, often, reality is worse than fiction. I helped unpack and tag new backpacks this morning in my community. 4500 kids in my area are going to have backpacks full of the pens, pencils, and notebooks they need to get a great start. 4500 kids. The reality is, 4500 kids isn't all the needy ones in my area. I wonder how the inner city kids and teachers get by. It makes me angry that every child doesn't have what they need for school. We often take what we have for granted.

If you are reading this and are able, I challenge you. Find an organization you want to be part of and volunteer or send a donation.

Remember, there can never be too many volunteers and every donation can make a difference, Heck, a dime per download eventually turned into enough money for Surviving in Numbers to be able to get into a few more schools. Every little bit counts. Some other great organizations to consider include Compassion International, Blood Water Mission, and The Wounded Warrior Project. If everyone gave a little bit more and consumed a little bit less...just IMAGINE how amazing our world could be! :)

Ok, I'll come off the soapbox on the next post...I promise. I just had to write what was on my heart.