Fear Is A Lie!

It has been forever since I've written here, but I'm committed to being better about my blog writing and have been on a poetry kick lately, so here's one I recently wrote about fear:

Fear is a lie we choose to believe. Because fear thrives inside of you and of me.

It robs us of life, and so many great things, when we stay inside and knowingly clip our own wings.

And we think that our fear is what keeps us so safe, telling us not to attempt anything great.

It’s safer to swim in the waters we know, then to venture to oceans or caves down below.

And it’s better and practical, even admired, to stay in a job where we are uninspired.

After all, we worked so hard just to be hired. But what happens when eventually, we hope to be fired?

We hope this because change requires a voice, and if it was forced, we would not have a choice.

It often seems better to stay then to lose, because fear keeps us there when we know we must choose.

The grass isn’t greener on certain sides, but what happens when you don’t see it with your own eyes?

When you don’t make mistakes or try something new, you will never know the joy that could be waiting for you.

Life is a sum of the chances we take, and there will always be choices that we must make.

But if we listen to voices inside our minds, telling us to have fear and stay afraid all the time, then we’ll never know just how far we can go, or the limitless options of things we can know.

And we’ll never know all the people we’ll miss, by not saying hello and keeping pursed lips.

And we won’t know what it’s like to feel very afraid and stand outside our comfort zones in an uncomfortable way.

And it sounds awful, it is, standing outside, but your zone will expand if you don’t tuck tail and hide.

And take it from me, the worst kind of afraid is the kind where you keep silent when there is much to say.

Because fear robs your joy and it steals all your thunder and if you let it, one day you will start to wonder:

What if you were younger in this day and age? Knowing all you know now would you still be afraid?

Would you be afraid to stand out on your first day of school? Would you color in the lines, or would you break a few rules?

Would you be afraid the first time you went on a date? Would you kiss him or her, or would you still hesitate?

What if you had to pass your driving test again? Would you be as nervous and scared as you were back then?

I doubt these things that were once so scary, strike fear in your heart. But imagine if you never stood up to start.

What if you had let fear dictate your moves? What would you have missed when you had nothing to lose?

I implore you to sucker-punch fear in the face and live in a way that makes you unafraid, to color beyond lines you’ve never missed, to go out on a date and give them a kiss, to drive for as long and far as you wish, and live life as if fear doesn’t exist.

Have a wonderful day! 

Perspective

I have been at my current job for over 6 years and people have often commented on my positive attitude and the fact that I’m often smiling. I end up with nicknames like smiley, sunshine, and bubbles. One person recently looked at me and told me I must be on some kind of drugs because no one is that happy at work. What she fails to realize is that happiness is a choice and it’s all about perspective.

 

Prior ending up in my current career, I spent some time working as a 911 dispatcher. This experience changed my life completely.
Imagine working in a room so dark you don't know who is sitting beside you, illuminated by four computer screens in front of you, two more to your right and a phone system that looks like it could help land an airplane. Others sit nearby talking in calm voices, where you hear tidbits of one-sided conversations such as, "where is the gun now?" or "how many times have you tried to kill yourself before?"
A call comes in. A young boy in a terrified voice says, I think my parents just killed each other.
This was my typical day as a 911 dispatcher. Fresh out of college with a criminal justice degree I was idealistic. I was in the hiring process for six months, which is considered a short amount of time. 90% of applicants don’t make it through the process, which included a group interview, psychological evaluation, physical, and a polygraph.

 

I was in the 10 percent that get hired and I was determined to change the world and make difference. And for a while, I did. I learned 250 codes and signals. I aced the tests and, in a short time, I was beginning to handle the toughest calls without assistance.

 

But making a difference came at a cost. Over time, the amount of pressure to learn everything quickly began to take its toll. I would get up at 3 or 4 am one week and then get home around 1 or 2 am the next week. Despite this erratic schedule, I no longer felt tired. I have no idea what I was eating, because I wasn’t hungry either.  

 

For weeks at a time, I had very little contact with any family or friends, because my schedule was so unpredictable and often, I was only off of work when they were sleeping. I made friends in the training classes who were going through the same things I was, and that made it somewhat bearable.

 

I told myself that this was all worth it. After all, this is what I wanted to do. I majored in Criminal Justice to change the world. I couldn’t quit now. I was at the top of my training class. One week I took over 20 calls from suicidal people. I was an expert on talking people down and distracting them until help arrived. I didn’t take into consideration the toll that this job was truly putting on me.

 

During my last training class, we listened to some recorded calls. One included a dispatcher who couldn’t understand the accent of the screaming woman on the other line. The response was delayed. I knew it wasn’t the dispatcher’s fault but I never considered how I would feel if my lack of understanding or comprehension of what was being said delayed a response.

 

After hearing that call, I knew in that moment, that despite all of the training, preparation, and time I had put in, that this was not the job for me.

The day that I quit, I drove home with a smile on my face. I had no plan, no job to fall back on, and my family thought I was crazy for giving up my first "real job”.

The reality was, instead of changing the world, the world changed me. The lessons I learned as a dispatcher were invaluable. I learned that things can always, always be worse. The stresses we typically experience in our day-to-day lives are minor. The reality is, our days are numbered and they are precious, so I choose happiness and I challenge you to do the same! :)

 

Hunting Rainbows

Within the past few weeks, there have been several battles going on around me. I am learning that I can't control any of them, but that hasn't stopped me from wishing I could. At times, I want to shake certain people and ask them if they're serious. I want to tell them to think for themselves and to stop letting others dictate what happens. I want to make them feel better, make them happy, make others stop taking advantage of them. Then I remember that I can't make anyone do anything.

I have been struggling through a situation that I believe is wrong. Someone I love dearly has made a life choice that I believe was influenced by others who have ulterior motives. I have watched this person suffer and make choices that I know she would not have made, had it not been for the influencers. I pray this person is acting on her own accord, and that her best wishes are truly at heart for the influencers, but I also know the track record of said influences and believe that is not the case. It frustrates me to no end that there is nothing I can do change things. Fighting with the influences will not suffice or make any change. As hard as it is not to fight for someone I love, there is nothing I can do to change it. I have to let go.

I have a choice. I can stand by and watch it unfold before me, being as I have no control, or I can remove myself entirely from the situation. I have to remember God is in control, because I have none and never had any to begin with. However, what I allow into my life is what will continue. Therefore, those people can take a break from my life and my thoughts.

It seems like people perpetuate their own storms and then get mad when it rains. Once it rains (perpetuated or not), we all go hunting for rainbows. When the storms of life get the best of us, we go in search of something better, something to make us happy, something bright, maybe with a pot of gold at the end.

I wish life worked that way. I wish every time there was a storm, everyone would have their own rainbow to look forward to. Not to say it never happens, but we can't expect a rainbow every time. We're given our situations and our gifts and struggles for a reason. But we make choices every day about what we choose to do with all of our struggles as well as our gifts.

There's no sense in hunting for rainbows in places where you can't stop the rain from falling. I guess it's up to all of us to find our own rainbows and choose our own paths. I can only hope to encourage you to enjoy the gifts of friends and families every day because you never know when they will be ripped from your life by death or other circumstances beyond your control. Hold those moments and revel in them. Trust that God knows what he's doing, and focus on what you can control. :)





 

Live Your Dreams

When we were little, things were so much easier. One week you could want to be a doctor, the next an architect, the next a musician, and three days later, you could decide your ambition is to design clothes for the rich and famous. We grow up and eventually choose our paths. Those who are lucky or ambitious find their passions early in life and thrive.

In Gallup’s 2013 State of the American Workplace study, 70% of those who participated described themselves as “disengaged” from their work...This fact makes me sick. Why are walking through our work lives "disengaged?" Because it's easy? Because we don't believe we can make things better or make and impact where we are?

I've been told I inspire people. While this is one of the most flattering things people can say, when some of those same people are the ones who are miserable day in and day out, I honestly want to shake them. I want to say, "Inspire me! Please! I want to see what you can do. I know you're capable of so many things and that you want so much more. So go for it! Don't let anything stop you! I love that I inspire you, but stop watching me and go get what you want!"

Fear is one of the most powerful things in the world. We internalize it and become terrified of change. It's easy to watch someone go after their dreams. It's fun to watch it from the sidelines. I love watching people succeed, however I have greater admiration for the people whose dreams aren't easy and for those who fall backwards over and over again.

I want to say to those people who watch from the sidelines: "I want to watch you fall backward even though I hate to see you struggle." We fall and struggle because we have more to learn and need to grow from our experiences. Falling isn't failing. You only fail when you quit. Reaching a dream is very much like a child who is learning to walk. One step and then the fall, and then comes the tears. Soon, another step, and a collapse, inevitably more tears. Eventually, that child will become so proficient with walking, he or she will start to run. For those people on the sidelines--I want to see you run! I want to see you meet and exceed all of your dreams because I believe in you! Don't tell me I inspire you. Inspire someone else. Inspire greatness, or tolerance, or love, or change. Don't let your ideas fall on deaf ears. Stand at the top of the tallest mountain if you must, do whatever you have to do to work toward your dreams.

Don't be your own worst enemy. It's time for you to believe in yourself! Fear has the power to consume you, but the cool thing about fear is you control everything internally. Everything you do or choose is only as big as you choose to make it. If you let a move or a job stand between you and your happiness, you're letting your fear be too big. Sure, we don't always know what's on the other side of that new job or that new path, but if nothing else, you'll have grown and become stronger. Let your fear shrink and your light become bright. Let it illuminate your path and think about what will make you truly happy. When you do that, you will inevitably inspire others.

One day, the sun will set and you won't see it rise. That day could be today. Imagine never seeing the sun come up again. I'm not trying to be morbid, but this is reality.

What will you wish you have done? Who will you wish you spoke to one last time? Who still needs to know that you love them? I challenge you to take today and do it. It can't wait. Time won't make hard conversations any easier. We only have one life to live. Let's stop filling it with negativity and watching from the sidelines. Get in there! Live your dreams! Do some falling and then I want to see you run. Why? Because I care about you and I want to see you succeed. We may not know each other, but that changes nothing. We need more free thinkers and positivity and people pursuing their dreams now, more than ever. Whatever your dream is, please, I beg you, start working toward it now. It is never too late to get started. This is your chance. This is your moment. What will you do with it? :)