Perfect

I once knew a woman who edited every photo of herself she posted online. No one was allowed to see an “imperfect” photo of her online. Now that she has passed away, I wonder how much time was spent touching and retouching photos and if her family wouldn’t have appreciated having a photo online that wasn’t retouched to remember her by. I wonder if they even know they were retouched and I think that it's sad that she felt the need to do that. She was naturally gorgeous without any makeup or filters.

Perfect
I've got the perfect outfit, and fantastic lighting too. I look simply stunning from my head down to my shoes.

I've filtered, and cropped, re-colored, and chopped all the parts that don't look as appealing. I've angled my head and whitened my teeth, so my smile shows just how I'm feeling.

My brown eyes were just a little too brown, so I made them the color of copper. And my best friend looked awkward enough that it simply was kinder to crop her.

I've made the sky a bit bluer and the sunshine less bright. It took dozens of shots till I found one that I liked.

I made a few changes to make myself appear thinner. Now, finally, I actually feel like a winner.

This photo is simply a better version of me. Someone I actually want you to see.

No one needs to know that I'm not quite that toned or that this is how I spend my time when I'm alone.

I take a deep breath and think of something witty to say and hope that people will think of me this way.

I watch as the likes and comments come through. I refresh and refresh for an hour or two.

The comments really validate all the work that I’ve put in. But part of me wonders if they know I’m not that thin.

Then my best friend sends me a text out of the blue. Initially all it says is: “We’re Through.”

When I ask her what she’s talking about, she sends me the photo where I cropped her out.

“Why did you take me out of your photo endeavor when I smiled beside you for what felt like forever?

My cheeks grew stiff as you tried shot after shot, giving the camera all that you’ve got.

And now that I’ve been removed from your photo, I see how you feel. I was wrong to think our friendship could ever be real.”

Her words hit me hard as I read and re-read. I don’t know why she is being so mean to me.

I watch the comments and likes go by and I tell myself she’s wrong. At least here in this virtual world, I belong.

I tell myself: “So what if she is offended?” When people are mean to me, I just un-friend them.

After my post becomes yesterday’s news, I check my friends list remember she’s been removed.

I scroll through my friend’s list and to my surprise, there are no more familiar names catching my eyes.

All the people that I actually know, I’ve either unfriended or they’ve just let me go.

The realization hits me that I no longer have friends. Don’t they realize I was doing all this for them?

Fear Is A Lie!

It has been forever since I've written here, but I'm committed to being better about my blog writing and have been on a poetry kick lately, so here's one I recently wrote about fear:

Fear is a lie we choose to believe. Because fear thrives inside of you and of me.

It robs us of life, and so many great things, when we stay inside and knowingly clip our own wings.

And we think that our fear is what keeps us so safe, telling us not to attempt anything great.

It’s safer to swim in the waters we know, then to venture to oceans or caves down below.

And it’s better and practical, even admired, to stay in a job where we are uninspired.

After all, we worked so hard just to be hired. But what happens when eventually, we hope to be fired?

We hope this because change requires a voice, and if it was forced, we would not have a choice.

It often seems better to stay then to lose, because fear keeps us there when we know we must choose.

The grass isn’t greener on certain sides, but what happens when you don’t see it with your own eyes?

When you don’t make mistakes or try something new, you will never know the joy that could be waiting for you.

Life is a sum of the chances we take, and there will always be choices that we must make.

But if we listen to voices inside our minds, telling us to have fear and stay afraid all the time, then we’ll never know just how far we can go, or the limitless options of things we can know.

And we’ll never know all the people we’ll miss, by not saying hello and keeping pursed lips.

And we won’t know what it’s like to feel very afraid and stand outside our comfort zones in an uncomfortable way.

And it sounds awful, it is, standing outside, but your zone will expand if you don’t tuck tail and hide.

And take it from me, the worst kind of afraid is the kind where you keep silent when there is much to say.

Because fear robs your joy and it steals all your thunder and if you let it, one day you will start to wonder:

What if you were younger in this day and age? Knowing all you know now would you still be afraid?

Would you be afraid to stand out on your first day of school? Would you color in the lines, or would you break a few rules?

Would you be afraid the first time you went on a date? Would you kiss him or her, or would you still hesitate?

What if you had to pass your driving test again? Would you be as nervous and scared as you were back then?

I doubt these things that were once so scary, strike fear in your heart. But imagine if you never stood up to start.

What if you had let fear dictate your moves? What would you have missed when you had nothing to lose?

I implore you to sucker-punch fear in the face and live in a way that makes you unafraid, to color beyond lines you’ve never missed, to go out on a date and give them a kiss, to drive for as long and far as you wish, and live life as if fear doesn’t exist.

Have a wonderful day!