2020 ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas in the hardest of years where the world was distanced and had shed many tears. 

Everyone who could be home was already there, where cinnamon and peppermint scents filled the air. 

While most people dreamed in the dead of the night, others were working to keep spirits bright. 

An older woman stood alone on wobbly feet. It seemed she was tired and needed something to eat. 

I could barely see her face behind the mask and goggles she wore. They were so tightly on, her face must have been sore. 

But she kept on working despite any pain she was in. She had to help fight for those who needed to win. 

Her white shoes squeaked softly as she did her rounds. An angel of sorts in a PPE gown. 

She walked room to room in the quiet of night, caring for patients in dimmed hospital light. 

She took care of each person and did all

that she could, hoping her help would do them some good. 

Some patients were improving. Others were getting worse. This was the reality of the COVID curse. 

After a long night of work, when the sun started to rise, she said “goodbye” and “merry Christmas”, as the new staff walked by. 

She removed all of her gear and scrubbed as tears filled her eyes. When she finished scrubbing she gave in and started to cry. 

As she walked to her car with red eyes and another mask on her face, I wondered if she knew what a difference she made. 

She drove past some houses of holiday joy where children were playing with fancy new toys. 

Stopped at a stop sign she spotted a girl riding by, on a shiny new bike. A man rode behind her smiling with delight. 

She watched for a moment and felt a smile on her face and noticed the man looking her way. 

He caught her eye and waved at her. “Merry Christmas,” he said. She recognized him from a hospital bed. 

She’d held his hand when he needed it and prayed by his bedside. A few months ago he was the reason she’d cried.

She had thought he was done for but here he was, still alive, not even knowing she had helped him survive. 

She wished them Merry Christmas and drove slowly away. She was thankful for the miracle God had shown her that day. 

When she arrived home to her house, she showered, ate, and turned off the light. “Merry Christmas” she whispered,” and to all a good night. 

Perfect

I once knew a woman who edited every photo of herself she posted online. No one was allowed to see an “imperfect” photo of her online. Now that she has passed away, I wonder how much time was spent touching and retouching photos and if her family wouldn’t have appreciated having a photo online that wasn’t retouched to remember her by. I wonder if they even know they were retouched and I think that it's sad that she felt the need to do that. She was naturally gorgeous without any makeup or filters.

Perfect
I've got the perfect outfit, and fantastic lighting too. I look simply stunning from my head down to my shoes.

I've filtered, and cropped, re-colored, and chopped all the parts that don't look as appealing. I've angled my head and whitened my teeth, so my smile shows just how I'm feeling.

My brown eyes were just a little too brown, so I made them the color of copper. And my best friend looked awkward enough that it simply was kinder to crop her.

I've made the sky a bit bluer and the sunshine less bright. It took dozens of shots till I found one that I liked.

I made a few changes to make myself appear thinner. Now, finally, I actually feel like a winner.

This photo is simply a better version of me. Someone I actually want you to see.

No one needs to know that I'm not quite that toned or that this is how I spend my time when I'm alone.

I take a deep breath and think of something witty to say and hope that people will think of me this way.

I watch as the likes and comments come through. I refresh and refresh for an hour or two.

The comments really validate all the work that I’ve put in. But part of me wonders if they know I’m not that thin.

Then my best friend sends me a text out of the blue. Initially all it says is: “We’re Through.”

When I ask her what she’s talking about, she sends me the photo where I cropped her out.

“Why did you take me out of your photo endeavor when I smiled beside you for what felt like forever?

My cheeks grew stiff as you tried shot after shot, giving the camera all that you’ve got.

And now that I’ve been removed from your photo, I see how you feel. I was wrong to think our friendship could ever be real.”

Her words hit me hard as I read and re-read. I don’t know why she is being so mean to me.

I watch the comments and likes go by and I tell myself she’s wrong. At least here in this virtual world, I belong.

I tell myself: “So what if she is offended?” When people are mean to me, I just un-friend them.

After my post becomes yesterday’s news, I check my friends list remember she’s been removed.

I scroll through my friend’s list and to my surprise, there are no more familiar names catching my eyes.

All the people that I actually know, I’ve either unfriended or they’ve just let me go.

The realization hits me that I no longer have friends. Don’t they realize I was doing all this for them?

Fear Is A Lie!

It has been forever since I've written here, but I'm committed to being better about my blog writing and have been on a poetry kick lately, so here's one I recently wrote about fear:

Fear is a lie we choose to believe. Because fear thrives inside of you and of me.

It robs us of life, and so many great things, when we stay inside and knowingly clip our own wings.

And we think that our fear is what keeps us so safe, telling us not to attempt anything great.

It’s safer to swim in the waters we know, then to venture to oceans or caves down below.

And it’s better and practical, even admired, to stay in a job where we are uninspired.

After all, we worked so hard just to be hired. But what happens when eventually, we hope to be fired?

We hope this because change requires a voice, and if it was forced, we would not have a choice.

It often seems better to stay then to lose, because fear keeps us there when we know we must choose.

The grass isn’t greener on certain sides, but what happens when you don’t see it with your own eyes?

When you don’t make mistakes or try something new, you will never know the joy that could be waiting for you.

Life is a sum of the chances we take, and there will always be choices that we must make.

But if we listen to voices inside our minds, telling us to have fear and stay afraid all the time, then we’ll never know just how far we can go, or the limitless options of things we can know.

And we’ll never know all the people we’ll miss, by not saying hello and keeping pursed lips.

And we won’t know what it’s like to feel very afraid and stand outside our comfort zones in an uncomfortable way.

And it sounds awful, it is, standing outside, but your zone will expand if you don’t tuck tail and hide.

And take it from me, the worst kind of afraid is the kind where you keep silent when there is much to say.

Because fear robs your joy and it steals all your thunder and if you let it, one day you will start to wonder:

What if you were younger in this day and age? Knowing all you know now would you still be afraid?

Would you be afraid to stand out on your first day of school? Would you color in the lines, or would you break a few rules?

Would you be afraid the first time you went on a date? Would you kiss him or her, or would you still hesitate?

What if you had to pass your driving test again? Would you be as nervous and scared as you were back then?

I doubt these things that were once so scary, strike fear in your heart. But imagine if you never stood up to start.

What if you had let fear dictate your moves? What would you have missed when you had nothing to lose?

I implore you to sucker-punch fear in the face and live in a way that makes you unafraid, to color beyond lines you’ve never missed, to go out on a date and give them a kiss, to drive for as long and far as you wish, and live life as if fear doesn’t exist.

Have a wonderful day! 

Fear, Guns, and God

In Orlando, Newtown, Chicago, (insert your current location here), and across the globe, violence, hate, anger, hostility, and criminal behavior run rampant. 

When a group or a lone person decides to hurt you or people you love, it's easy to lash out in disgust and outright anger. It's also easy to detach ourselves and believe that violence and all of these awful things are something that happens in other places. 

We must face reality: we live in a splintered and shattered society. We live in a world where it's possible to live, shop, or work beside a terrorist and have no clue. We also live in a world filled with hate and prejudice. We must not let these prejudices consume us. A terrorist can be anyone. Anyone. Of any background. 

Even if we put every control possible into place, terrorism is an evil that cannot be contained. There will always be another group surfacing or a lone wolf who is just waiting for an opportunity. So what can we do? Always abide by the "if you see something, say something" mentality, for one. Your action could be the one thing that changed everything. 

Try as we might, we ultimately cannot control what happens in the future. We need to accept that. We can all get alarms and guns and never let our children outside. We can choose to live in fear of our neighbors and stereotype people who could become our greatest friends. We can live inside our seemingly impenetrable bubble of fear. 

But what does that serve? You are going to have to step outside of your bubble one day. Or there will be something that happens that pops the bubble of fear beyond repair. 

The terrorist from the nightclub lived in my hometown. He went to high school with some of my friends. He lived less than ten houses from where my husband used to live. We went to the same community college. I did not know him. But he could have easily been sitting in a classroom, or shopping at a local grocery store beside me.

In this same city, a gun show went on last weekend at local civic center. The local news was there to report and the parking lot was insane. A church that usually occupies the civic center space was kicked outside. Imagine being in an outdoor church service in the blazing Florida sunshine and seeing people walking by constantly on their way in and out of a gun show, taking the place you usually use for worship to by weapons. Surreal. 

My city kicks out the faithful in favor of gun sales. I'm not against guns or self protection. It is simply ironic that in a city where the terrorist grew up and lived, there is a greater demand for guns than there is for faith. 

Defending your home and your family is your right and is not to be taken lightly. However, it is often said that there are no atheists on the battlefield. When weapons fail to protect us, and we are defenseless and all hope is lost, we must lean on God. 

Guns make us feel more protected. We can protect ourselves and our families. And in many cases, guns are beneficial. However, we are not in control. According to policeone.com, in America it is estimated that less than 12 percent of police officers will ever draw and fire their weapons at another person in the entire course of their career. Statistically, we are much, much more likely to die of disease than we are at the hands of a terrorist. 

When our loved ones and families get diseases and pass away, the only one we have left turn to is God.

The most powerful thing, above all else, is Love. We must love one another instead of living lives filled with hatred and fear. We must learn to respect, learn from, and appreciate our differences. 

We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Worry solves nothing. Get out there, love hard, live fully, and appreciate every day that you have been granted! Don't spend your life in a bubble! You will miss the chance to fully live the life you've worked so hard to protect

For Christina Grimmie and her fans

I'm not a poet by any stretch of the imagination but I felt compelled to jot this down. May God bless all of the families who have experienced unimaginable tragedy over this last week.

Heaven gained an angel last Friday night. 

When a gunman stole her beautiful life. 

Why did he do it? We may never know. 

Only thing that's for sure, she was too young to go. 

A role model who transcended her hype. 

A friend to her fans when he ended her life.

It's easy to cry but harder to grieve for someone we only knew through the screen. But she truly changed lives and made her mark in the world. 

She was a one-of-a-kind incredible girl.

She lived life to the fullest until her last day. Singing her heart out along the way. Indescribable passion, insurmountable faith

And a exuberant smile on her beautiful face. 

Along with this girl who inspired such light, In that terrible scene on that horrible night, A hero emerged to save multiple lives. 

Through unthinkable pain, he did what was right. 

What this killer forgot or perhaps did not know, is her light was much more than a one-candle show. She drew everyone in like a moth to a flame and lit the world on fire, with us cheering her name. 

Fear is an enemy we must learn to ignore. Because if we don't we will lose so much more. So take that candle she lit, set it down on the floor and follow your dreams and like her, you will soar. 

-Kristen Nannini

RIP Christina. You were loved and lost far too soon. 

Limitless

It's a safe place. If you keep your head down, do what you have to do and learn not to question things, it's secure. It goes around and around like a Ferris Wheel that no one dares to step off of. If you stay long enough, it will become unchanged. You'll know what to expect today, tomorrow, and next week. The same old people, the same dry stories, the same routine. The years will come and go, the faces will grow older, the bonds will go greater, but you will become stagnant. The longer you stay, holding on to the familiar, the worse it will get. You're like a beautiful fish that is meant to swim in the deepest parts of the massive ocean who chooses to hang out in the coy pond in your neighbors backyard. Your colors are fading and you don't swim as well as you used to. 

At this point, you must make a choice: step off of the Ferris wheel or risk a lifetime at a monotonous carnival, or swimming laps in a coy pond, letting your colors turn to grey. 

Stepping out into the abyss is never easy. Especially, when what is in front of you is so blinding that you can't see it clearly. But, that's what the future is, it's this bright, amazing unknown just waiting for you to step into it, if you'll only have the courage to find it and hold on to your values and not lose yourself in the process. The light floods the eyes, the sun shines so brightly that it distorts your vision at first, but do not be afraid. When you're on the brink, it can be terrifying. The easiest thing to do is to run back to that dark, safe place. This is the moment you must grit your teeth and step out, for you made this choice and it's terrifying but turning back now would be detrimental. When you open yourself up to stepping into the unknown, you have the chance to grasp endless opportunity from all kinds of unexpected places. When you step out of the shadows, you will remember that your future is limitless. Step into the light and take hold of tomorrow! :-) 

Scrolling, Scrolling, Scrolling

Our time on this earth is so limited. We should spend it doing things we love and with people we care about. We should spend time out in nature, exploring our surroundings, enjoying the earth that God has given us. We should spend time feeding and clothing the homeless, or helping our veterans, or giving voices to babies, children, or animals that don't have one. We each have a purpose in this life, but I'm starting to see that our purposes are becoming completely diluted by social media.

Today, I celebrated 8 years of Facebook friendship with my husband. A giant post came up to remind me and to share that fact with the world. I did. I shared it...but for what?

Social media is a great vehicle to promote your business, start a friendship or stay connected with old friends, and stay in touch, even when you're far away. It's an awesome benefit to our society, but more and more, it's getting out of control. When we're bored, we start scrolling through pictures and videos, statuses, and articles.  

We scroll through statuses often containing the highlights of everyone's lives. We virtually scroll through new babies, birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, memes, videos, photos with a finger. I heard a teen complaining the other day that she'd posted the funniest joke she'd ever come up with and that no one had liked her post while her friend explained that you had to post things when everyone was out of school so it wouldn't get bumped to the bottom of the news feed. She told her friend it was all about timing...When did we become a society that only felt our ideas/opinions were valued because someone clicked a "like" button? 

Then we have those friends that assume that once they've put something on Facebook that the whole world better pay attention. I know a person who lost a friend because she hadn't been up-to-date enough to know how her friend was doing. I asked a close family member once if she'd remembered my birthday, and she said, "Oh yes. I wished you happy birthday on Facebook, which is why I didn't call." So now, not only are we hinging our self-esteem on the number of "likes" we get, we're also expected to monitor everyone else's pages as well as our own to determine what the status of each of our friends is at any given time or place? 

Relationships have been destroyed because something posted on social media was taken personally or something was taken out of context. Social media also has the potential to become a breeding ground for cheating. I was Googling some facts for this article and somehow ended up coming across an article that offers 25 helpful apps for cheating on your girlfriend. Seriously? We have all this amazing technology avaialable at our fingertips and we're using it to create apps that "help" us cheat on our significant others? 

If we continue to spend our time scrolling aimlessly, trying to post things for "likes" or "follows". or use social media as a way to dilute our own realities, I wonder what that means for our purpose. We were meant for so much more than this mindlessness.

Social media is an amazing thing...It's a great vehicle for communication and for business-related purposes. It can enhance communications in ways that were previously impossible. However. it should not take the place of living your very best life. If you feel your life or marriage is compromised by social media, seriously consider what void social media is filling for you and cut it off, at least for a while and see how you feel. If you can't be without it, consider that social media addiction is a real thing and get help.

Please, spend your precious time wisely. If you find yourself aimlessly scrolling, turn it off and do something else!

Best wishes!!